PREVIOUSLY ON "UGLY BETTY"... I'M YOUR NEW NEIGHBOR.
WAS I PLAYING TOO LOUD? 'CAUSE I'M PRACTICING
FOR A GIG TOMORROW. (Amanda) THAT GUY? THAT IS YOUR BOYFRIEND?
WHAT IF I GET SCARED? THEN I'LL BE RIGHT HERE NEXT TO YOU.
IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I AM THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
OF THIS MAGAZINE. IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I'M THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF, TOO.
YOU NEED TO BRING IN SOMEONE TO RUN THIS BUSINESS.
WOULD YOU HAVE ANY INTEREST IN COMING TO MEADE?
DANNY MEADE AND I DON'T QUITE GET ALONG. ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
YOU COULD PUT WHATEVER SILLY ISSUES YOU HAVE WITH HIM ASIDE?
WE DID IT. THAT WAS SMOOTH.
AND WILHELMINA HAS NO IDEA.
(ticking)
OH, HOW WEIRD.
WE'RE ALWAYS, JUST, LIKE, RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER.
HEY, JESSE. HI. HEY.
OH, HI! OH, IT'S SO FUNNY.
WE'RE ALWAYS JUST, LIKE, RUNNING INTO EACH OTHER.
HEY, BETTY ROCKER. I GUESS WE'RE JUST, UH,
TWO SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE MORNING.
(laughs)
HOW WAS WORK LAST NIGHT? UH, 34 BUCKS IN TIPS AND THE COOK SPIT ON ME.
WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS UP SO EARLY?
OH, UH, WORK. JUST SO MUCH TO DO. GOTTA GET AN EARLY START.
WANT SOME COFFEE? THE GUY AT THE SHOP, HE GAVE ME TWO.
IT'S DECAF, 'CAUSE I KNOW YOU HAVE TO SLEEP IN THE MORNING.
I MEAN, HE KNOWS THAT YOU SLEEP IN THE MORNING.
IT WAS JUST A COINCIDENCE. (chuckles) HEY, OH, I KNOCKED ON YOUR DOOR LAST NIGHT.
YOU WEREN'T THERE, BUT I-I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING. REALLY?
YEAH, IT'S A COUPLE NEW SONGS FROM MY BAND. (gasps)
I-I THINK IT'S PRETTY GOOD. O-OR IT SUCKS. I DON'T KNOW.
BUT LISTEN, YOU HAVE TO BE BRUTAL,
'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS WAY TOO NICE TO ME.
NO, NO. THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I ALWAYS LIKE 'EM, YOU KNOW?
YOUR--YOUR MUSIC IS SO... EMOTIONAL.
AND THAT SONG "I MADE HER CRY"? IT MADE ME CRY.
YOU'RE SWEET.
OH, HEY. UM, DO YOU KNOW IF THEY FIXED
THE TV IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM YET?
'CAUSE THERE'S A MILES DAVIS DOCUMENTARY TONIGHT-- I HAVE A TV.
I MEAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WATCH IT IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM.
YOU COULD JUST COME OVER.
YOU KNOW, I'LL BE HOME JUST DOING STUFF,
SO KNOCK OR WHATEVER. ALL RIGHT, THANKS. I WILL.
OKAY.
SO YOU'RE GOING TO WORK?
YES. YES. (chuckles)
OH. THAT WAY. (laughs)
(elevator bell dings)
(yawns)
(footsteps approaching)
WHOA! OH!
OH, MY GOD! BETTY. I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
UM, I'M STARTING WORK A LITTLE EARLY.
ME, TOO. YOU'RE NAKED.
AND YOU'RE WEARING A HIDEOUS ENSEMBLE,
BUT I'M NOT ALL ABOUT THE OBVIOUS. AMANDA.
OKAY, STOP GRILLING ME. I KIND OF GOT A LITTLE EVICTED.
WHAT? HOW? CAN YOU JUST PUT SOMETHING ON, PLEASE?
(scoffs)
I DIDN'T PAY MY RENT A COUPLE TIMES,
AND THEY GOT SO NASTY ABOUT IT. WELL, AMANDA, YOU CAN'T LIVE HERE.
YOU MUST HAVE, LIKE, A HUNDRED FRIENDS YOU COULD STAY WITH.
YOU--DO YOU NEED SOME MONEY? BETTY, PLEASE STOP CARETAKING.
GOD, IT'S LIKE A DISEASE WITH YOU. AND I'M FINE HERE.
ONE OF THE BOYS IN SECURITY TAKES CARE OF ME,
AND I TAKE CARE OF HIM. HEY, ZANDER.
(laughs)
(off-key) ♪ BLIND GIRL, CAN'T YOU SEE MY LOVE? ♪
♪ BLIND GIRL, CAN'T YOU SEE MY LOVE? ♪
♪ TRY TO TELL YOU, TRY TO SHOW YOU, TRY TO-- ♪
HI.
YOU WERE, UM, SINGING?
THIS IS MY FRIEND JESSE'S NEW SONG. IT'S REALLY GOOD.
JESSE--I'VE BEEN HEARING THAT NAME A LOT.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO NO ROMANTIC ENTANGLEMENTS?
WASN'T THAT THE RULE? YES, IT'S STILL THE RULE.
NOW CAN WE PLEASE TALK ABOUT THE FASHION HEATS UP PARTY?
BECAUSE WE STILL DON'T HAVE A BAND.
AND M.I.A.'s PEOPLE JUST CALLED.
APPARENTLY, SHE'S ON VACATION IN BRAZIL.
NO ONE CAN GET AHOLD OF HER.
OOH. LOOKS LIKE CONNOR'S HERE.
MAN, HE IS SO COOL.
HIRING HIM IS THE SMARTEST THING I'VE EVER DONE. YEAH, JUST WAIT TILL WILHELMINA FINDS OUT
YOU TRICKED HER TO GET HIM HERE. COME ON, BETTY. I'M TIRED OF HER WALKING ALL OVER ME.
I NEED AS MANY PEOPLE ON TEAM DANIEL AS I CAN GET.
BESIDES, WE NEEDED SOMEONE TO RUN THE FINANCIAL ARM
OF THIS COMPANY. CONNOR'S THE BEST. WELL, AS A MEMBER OF TEAM DANIEL,
I FULLY SUPPORT YOU. BESIDES, EVERYONE HERE LOVES HIM. IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY.
AT HARVARD, HE WAS A ROCK STAR--
CAPTAIN OF THE CREW TEAM, ALL THE GIRLS LOVED HIM.
MAN, HE GOT A LOT OF...
UH, AHEM. ALL THE GIRLS REALLY LOVED HIM.
THIS IS WHY I HATE WOMEN, MARC. THEY'RE WEAK.
UGH. LOOK AT THEM THROWING THEMSELVES AT HIM.
ALTHOUGH, I WOULD LOVE TO LIVE IN HIS PANTS FOR A YEAR.
UGH. YOU'RE ALL FOOLS.
THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IS THAT
THE NEW CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER LOATHES DANIEL MEADE,
WHICH MEANS I'LL HAVE AN ALLY.
SO IF IT'S YOU AGAINST DANIEL...
HE'LL ALWAYS AGREE WITH ME.
I HAVE TO AGREE WITH DANIEL.
AGAIN?
WELL, SHOOTING IN THE CARIBBEAN IS JUST MORE COST EFFICIENT,
AND AS DANIEL'S ALREADY POINTED OUT--
UGH. YES, YES, YES, DANIEL HAS HAD SO MANY GREAT IDEAS TODAY.
I GUESS I'M JUST LUCKY.
WILHELMINA, I'M JUST GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINION.
THERE SIMPLY AREN'T THE FUNDS FOR YOUR PROPOSAL.
WELL, THEN FIND THE FUNDS.
OKAY, I'M GOING TO BE BLUNT.
THIS COMPANY OWNS TOO MANY MAGAZINES.
NOW IF YOU WANT TO FUNNEL MORE MONEY INTO "MODE,"
I SUGGEST YOU HAVE A LOOK
AT SELLING OFF SOME OF YOUR TITLES. FINALLY... AN IDEA I CAN AGREE WITH.
NOW I HAVE A VERY STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH CONDé NAST.
I THINK THERE MAY BE INTEREST IN A SALE.
NO. WE ARE NOT SELLING OFF A SINGLE MAGAZINE.
THEY'RE A PART OF MY FATHER'S LEGACY. THAT'S RIDICULOUS. CONNOR, COME ON.
IT MAY BE TOO DRASTIC.
I'LL EXPLORE OTHER OPTIONS. (telephone rings)
EXCUSE ME.
(ring)
WHY ARE YOU TWO SO CHUMMY?
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?
(clears throat) I THINK WHAT'S GOING ON, WILHELMINA,
IS YOU'VE BEEN PLAYED.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY ONE OF CONNOR'S DOUGHNUTS?
THEY'RE REALLY GOOD.
OKAY, I'VE GOT CHIPS AND DIP
AND CARROT STICKS, YOU KNOW, IN CASE HE'S THAT GUY.
NOW SHOULD I LIGHT CANDLES OR IS THAT TOO ROMANTIC?
BUT MAYBE I LIKE CANDLES. MAYBE I'M THAT GIRL.
IF HE COULD BE THAT GUY, I COULD BE THAT GIRL, RIGHT?
OOH! YOU ARE CRUSHING HARD.
YES, MAYBE I LIKE HIM,
BUT WHAT ARE THE CHANCES THAT HE'S GONNA LIKE ME BACK?
OH, STOP IT. HENRY AND GIO WERE CRAZY ABOUT YOU.
THAT WAS DIFFERENT. JESSE'S AN ARTIST.
HE WRITES MUSIC, HILDA,
AND I GET SO DORKY WHEN I'M AROUND HIM. HONEY, PLEASE.
HE'S ALWAYS ASKING YOU TO LISTEN TO HIS MUSIC.
IF A GUY NEEDS YOU TO TELL HIM HOW GREAT HE IS, HE LIKES YOU.
REALLY? YEAH.
I DON'T KNOW.
AUNT BETTY? YEAH?
IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING RIGHT NOW--
IT'S VERY YOU--
BUT, UM, MAYBE FOR TONIGHT, WE CAN GO A LITTLE SIMPLER.
OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
IT WAS SO SWEET OF YOU GUYS TO HELP... (claps hands)
BUT HE'S GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE, SO GET OUT.
OKAY. OKAY. I LOVE YOU. OKAY, BUT I'M TELLING YOU, RE--
MWAH. BYE. OKAY. OKAY, BYE.
OKAY, BYE.
(doorbell rings)
(exhales deeply)
(doorbell ringing)
COMING!
HI!
BUILDING MANAGEMENT KICKED ME OUT.
SO I GUESS WE'RE STAYING WITH YOU.
(Halston whimpers)
♪♪♪
OOH. WHAT IS THIS?
DO YOU HAVE A BOY COMING OVER?
WAIT. IT IS A BOY, RIGHT? 'CAUSE I NEED TO KNOW
THESE THINGS IF WE'RE GONNA BE ROOMIES. UM, AMANDA, YOU CAN'T STAY HERE.
WHY? YOU SAID I SHOULD STAY WITH A FRIEND. YEAH, BUT I MEANT, LIKE, MARC.
OH, UNH-UNH. I DON'T WANT TO JEOPARDIZE THAT FRIENDSHIP.
BESIDES, CLIFF PRACTICALLY LIVES THERE.
OKAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU,
BUT RIGHT NOW IS NOT A VERY GOOD TIME.
BUT, BETTY, I HAVE NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I DON'T HAVE THAT MANY FRIENDS.
GIRLS JUST DON'T SEEM TO LIKE ME.
AND YOU WERE SO NICE TO ME THIS MORNING.
I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T MIND, BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
YOU'RE BETTY.
YOU'RE A NICE PERSON.
(knock on door)
HEY.
HEY. SO BAD NEWS. I HAVE TO CANCEL TONIGHT.
THIS FRIEND OF MINE-- OR PERSON OF MINE--
IS HAVING SOME HARD TIMES. I--
NO, THAT'S TOTALLY COOL,
'CAUSE I PROBABLY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN GOOD COMPANY ANYWAY.
YOU KNOW, WE JUST LOST THIS GIG TO ANOTHER BAND, BUFFALO HUMP.
YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS? NO, CAN'T SAY I DO.
THEY SUCK. OH, I'M SORRY, JESSE, BUT DON'T BE DISCOURAGED.
YOUR BAND IS SO GREAT.
IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE IT TAKES OFF.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT'S SO COOL ABOUT YOU?
I... I REALLY FEEL LIKE YOU MEAN THAT.
THANKS, B. YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY. YOU, TOO.
(Amanda) BETTY, WE'RE OUT OF THE DIP...
(sighs) AND I'M HUNGRY.
DUDE, I HAVE TO SAY, IT'S GOOD TO HAVE YOU HERE.
I THINK WE'RE GONNA MAKE A GREAT TEAM.
ME, TOO. OH, I PUT TOGETHER A LIST OF IDEAS TO CUT COSTS--
SMALL THINGS, BUT I THINK THEY ADD UP.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO RUN EVERYTHING BY ME.
DO WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST. I KNOW YOU GOT MY BACK.
WE'RE BROS.
UGH. I HATE THAT STUPID FIST BUMP.
TALK TO ME.
(sighs) I'VE BEEN OVER AND OVER CONNOR'S CONTRACT.
YOU CAN'T GET RID OF HIM WITHOUT A HUGE BUYOUT.
OH, I PUT THAT IN THERE TO SCREW DANIEL, NOT ME. SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
GET SOME DIRT ON CONNOR OWENS, SOMETHING I CAN USE AS LEVERAGE.
I WILL NOT BE CONSTANTLY OVERRULED
BY TWO SILLY WHITE BOYS. I'M ON IT.
OH. AH! OW.
(Calvin Harris' "Merrymaking at My Place" playing)
OH, MY GOD.
WE TOTALLY MATCH.
♪♪♪
YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN.
♪ MERRYMAKING ♪ ♪ COME INTO MY HOUSE ♪
♪ YOU'RE INVITED INTO MY HOUSE ♪
IS THAT MY LUNCH?
OH. OH, SORRY.
HALSTON, SAVE SOME FOR BETTY.
♪ COME INTO MY HOUSE, YOU'RE INVITED INTO MY HOUSE ♪
♪ MERRYMAKING ♪
(gasps)
I CAN'T SLEEP. OH.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?
SOMETIMES IT HELPS
IF YOU TICKLE MY BACK AND TELL ME I'M PRETTY.
♪ AT MY PLACE, BABY, AT MY PLACE ♪
(sighs)
YOU TICKLED HER BACK? THAT'S A LITTLE BIT WEIRD.
I HAD NO CHOICE. CHRISTINA, I NEEDED TO GET SOME SLEEP.
I GET IT. I'VE DONE A LOT WORSE THINGS TO GET SOME SLEEP.
BELIEVE ME. BETTY, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO KICK HER OUT.
BUT SHE'S GOT NO MONEY. WELL, I DON'T LIKE
THE WAY SHE'S INTERFERING WITH YOUR SOCIAL LIFE.
I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS CRUSH ON TO THE NEXT LEVEL. (Amanda) I KNEW IT.
BETTY HAS A CRUSH. IT'S SOMEONE FROM THE BUILDING, RIGHT?
YOU'RE ALWAYS DARTING IN AND OUT,
ALL SWEATY AND MYSTERIOUS. AMANDA, IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
ARE YOU WEARING MY LEGGINGS? IT'S CUTE, RIGHT?
AND THE OTHER LEG MAKES A MATCHING SCARF.
I HAVE TO SAY, I DON'T HATE IT. WELL... OOH. OOH. I KNOW WHO YOUR LOVER IS.
IT'S THAT TROLL FROM 3G
WHO WALKS HIS GUINEA PIG ON A LEASH.
WHEN ARE YOU TWO CRAZY KIDS GONNA GO OUT?
IT'S NOT THE GUY WITH THE GUINEA PIG,
AND I'M NOT GOING OUT WITH ANYBODY,
BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THIS GUY LIKES ME.
HERE'S WHAT YOU DO. INVITE HIM TO THE "MODE" PARTY.
IT'LL BE TOTALLY CASZ. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA. THERE'LL BE LOADS OF PEOPLE THERE,
AND IT WON'T EVEN FEEL LIKE A DATE. AND IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE A SERIAL KILLER,
HE CAN JUST FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO CUT INTO PIECES.
(deep voice) YOU'RE WELCOME.
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I THINK I'M GONNA ASK JESSE TO THE "MODE" PARTY.
OOH! STOP.
OHH!
HEY THERE, SEXY.
HEY, BIG TINY.
UH, CAN WE PLEASE WORK ON A BETTER NICKNAME FOR ME?
WHY? IT'S CUTE. SO AFTER WORK, LET'S MEET AT PRUNE,
BECAUSE IF I DON'T GET A PARSLEY AND DANDELION SALAD,
I SWEAR TO BARBRA I AM GOING TO THROW A FIT
WITH THE FURY OF A THOUSAND QUEENS. MOVE IN WITH ME.
WHAT? WHAT DID-- WHAT DID YOU SAY?
MOVE... IN... WITH... ME.
I MEAN, WE SPEND ALL OUR TIME TOGETHER ANYWAY.
I MEAN, DOESN'T IT JUST MAKE SENSE?
UM, WE SHOULD DEFINITELY TALK ABOUT THAT,
BECAUSE IT DEFINITELY BEARS FURTHER DISCUSSION.
AHEM. (Wilhelmina) MARC!
COMING, WILLIE. OH, MY GOD. THIS DAY COULD NOT GET ANY CRAZIER.
(chuckles nervously) BUSY. BUSY. BUSY. BUSY. BUSY.
THERE'S JUST SO MUCH TO DO. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
IF I'M GONNA BE ABLE TO DO DINNER TONIGHT.
WELL, WE'LL--WE'LL, UH, WE'LL--WE'LL--WE'LL TALK LATER
OR--OR TOMORROW, AND, UM, OKAY.
(door closes)
(camera shutter clicks)
HI, JESSE.
HEY. I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.
REALLY? WHY?
WELL, UM, I WAS THINKING ABOUT YOU
BECAUSE I WAS WONDERING, UM... YEAH?
"MODE" IS HAVING THIS PARTY FOR GLOBAL WARMING.
OH, IT'S NOT FOR GLOBAL WARMING OBVIOUSLY,
'CAUSE GLOBAL WARMING IS BAD.
IT'S FOR AWARENESS. YAY!
ANYWAY, UM, I'M IN CHARGE OF FINDING THE BAND.
IT'S GONNA BE FUN, AND SO I WAS THINKING-- IF I COULD PLAY?
YOU WANT DARK SEXUAL JOURNEY TO PLAY AT A "MODE" PARTY?
OH, MY--THIS IS AMAZING. OH, NO, JESSE. I THINK THAT--
DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF EXPOSURE THIS WILL BE FOR US,
FOR--FOR ME? YOU'RE THE COOLEST GIRL EVER! OH. UM, UH...
OH. OH, MY GOD.
BETTY, I-I WAS JUST SO DEPRESSED TODAY, YOU KNOW?
LIKE, I WAS, LIKE, THIS CLOSE TO JUST...
UH, WHATEVER. I'LL PUT IT IN A SONG,
BUT OH, MY--YOU REALLY, REALLY CHEERED ME UP.
I MEAN, YOU'RE A SNOW DAY, BETTY.
HEY, DANIEL. GOOD NEWS.
WE'RE NO LONGER BANDLESS.
I FOUND SOMEONE TO PLAY AT THE PARTY ON FRIDAY. YOU KNOW WHAT? ALREADY DONE.
GUESS WHAT? WE GOT MARIAH CAREY.
IT TURNS OUT CONNOR KNOWS HER. ISN'T THAT GREAT?
OH. UM...
YEAH, I MEAN, MARIAH'S ALL RIGHT,
BUT CAN WE JUST PUT A PIN IN HER FOR A SECOND?
BECAUSE I THINK I FOUND SOMEONE WAY FRESHER--
JESSE'S BAND, DARK SEXUAL JOURNEY.
HUH. THEY'RE AWESOME, AND THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK OUT ANY MINUTE.
YOU'LL LOVE THEM.
OKAY, UM, GREAT. YEAH. LET ME JUST GET MARIAH ON THE PHONE.
HEY, MARIAH. IT'S DANIEL.
YEAH, IT TURNS OUT WE'RE NOT GONNA NEED YOU TO SING.
UH-HUH. WE GOT JESSE, THE GUY FROM MY ASSISTANT'S BUILDING.
HE IS SO CUTE. YES, HE IS JUST THE DREAMIEST.
I HATE WHEN YOU'RE SARCASTIC.
I CAN'T MOVE IN WITH CLIFF, RIGHT?
I MEAN, THIS IS JUST SUCH A BIG STEP.
SOMETIMES I THINK, I LOVE THIS GUY,
AND THEN SOMETIMES I THINK, WHAT AM I DOING WITH HIM?
AM I TERRIBLE? NO, BABY, YOU'RE JUST SCARED.
I AM. LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS THAT LIVING WITH A FATTY IS HARD.
MM. THEY'RE ALWAYS HOGGING THE BED AND MAKING A MESS
AND BORROWING YOUR CLOTHES. BY THE WAY, LOVING THIS DRESS.
IT'S BETTY'S BLOUSE. I TOTALLY BELTED IT.
IT'S GREAT. RIGHT? (gasps)
IS IT GOOD?
VERY. (clears throat) I MADE A FEW CALLS,
CASHED IN A FEW FAVORS--
OH, YEAH. RIGHT. SORRY. YOU'RE NOT ABOUT THE PROCESS.
THERE'S LOTS OF JUICY TIDBITS ABOUT CONNOR'S PAST.
OH, FEMALES. (sighs)
HAVE CONNOR COME TO MY OFFICE AFTER WORK.
I THINK I CAN MAKE A PERSUASIVE ARGUMENT
AS TO WHOM HE SHOULD BE ALIGNING HIMSELF WITH.
I DON'T THINK YOU'VE GOT ANY CHOICE, BETTY,
BUT TO TELL THE TRUTH.
HE CAN'T PLAY AT THE PARTY.
I KNOW. TWO SHAWARMAS WITH EVERYTHING, PLEASE.
BUT YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS LITTLE FACE.
OH. HE'S GONNA BE SO DISAPPOINTED,
AND HE'S GONNA HATE ME BEFORE I EVEN KNOW IF HE LIKES ME. OH--
BRING IT. WHO'S GONNA HATE YOU? NO ONE. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS AROUND?
BETTY, WE'RE ROOMIES NOW. THIS IS WHAT WE DO.
I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ALL UP IN YOUR BIZ.
SO WHY THE BROWN FACE? OH, BETTY TOLD THIS BOY THAT SHE REALLY LIKES
THAT HE COULD PLAY AT THE "MODE" PARTY,
BUT DANIEL GOT MARIAH CAREY. (gasps)
WHAT? WELL, SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER, ISN'T SHE?
YES, I WILL. SO IT'S A MUSICIAN? ARE YOU WEARING MY BLOUSE?
DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT. HERE'S WHAT YOU DO--
INVITE HIM TO PLAY AT THE AFTER PARTY. THERE AREN'T ANY AFTER PARTIES.
UM, WHAT ABOUT THE ONE WE ARE HAVING ON OUR ROOF?
IT TOTALLY JUST CAME TO ME. YOUR GUY WILL HAVE A PLACE TO PLAY,
AND I CAN CHARGE MONEY AT THE DOOR
AND PAY OFF MY CREDIT CARDS.
AREN'T YOU SO GLAD THAT I MOVED IN?
BYE.
(glass clatters)
DAMN IT!
YOU OKAY?
NO, I'M WET.
WHY DID YOU REPLACE OUR NICE BOTTLED WATER
WITH GLASSES WE NOW HAVE TO FILL OURSELVES?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST HANG A HAMSTER BOTTLE IN THE CORNER
AND WE CAN ALL TAKE TURNS SIPPING OFF OF IT?
MOM, RELAX, OKAY?
IT'S PROBABLY JUST ONE OF CONNOR'S COST-CUTTING IDEAS.
OH, LIKE THAT MEMO TELLING US
WE NOW HAVE TO SIGN OUT A KEY FOR THE SUPPLY ROOM?
IS THAT CONNOR'S IDEA AS WELL? I TOLD HIM HE DIDN'T HAVE TO RUN EVERYTHING BY ME.
YOU BE CAREFUL, DANIEL. THIS IS A PATTERN WITH YOU.
WHENEVER YOU ADMIRE SOMEONE, YOU TEND TO GIVE YOUR POWER AWAY,
JUST LIKE YOU DID WITH YOUR BROTHER. THAT'S NOT TRUE, AND THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT.
I HIRED CONNOR BECAUSE HE'S THE BEST,
AND BECAUSE I CAN TRUST HIM. THAT'S GOOD. THEN I SUPPOSE YOU'RE NOT WORRIED
THAT HE AND WILHELMINA ARE MEETING TOGETHER TONIGHT,
PRIVATELY.
OR DID YOU NOT KNOW THAT?
YOU SEE, I MAKE IT A POINT
TO KNOW EVERYTHING WILHELMINA SLATER IS UP TO,
AND IF THEY'RE MEETING ALONE, I DON'T LIKE IT.
THERE ARE A MILLION REASONS WHY THEY COULD BE MEETING.
DON'T WORRY.
CONNOR'S GOT MY BACK.
(thud)
WHAT IS THIS?
IT LOOKS LIKE A FLYER FOR A RODEO AT A WOMEN'S PRISON.
WHAT? I LIKE IT.
BETTY, NO ONE WILL COME TO A PARTY
WITH A FLYER LIKE THIS.
FINE. HOW WOULD YOU DO IT?
(thud) BUT HOW WILL PEOPLE KNOW WHERE TO GO?
THEY WON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TIME TO SHOW UP. IF THEY WANT TO BE THERE BADLY ENOUGH,
THEY'LL FIGURE ALL THAT OUT.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT HARD TO GET ON THE LIST.
THAT WAY, THE PARTY WILL BE FULL OF PEOPLE DESPERATE TO BE THERE,
AND THEY'LL THINK IT'S GREAT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH
OF A HUMONGOUS TURD IT TURNS OUT TO BE. UM, I DON'T KNOW.
TRUST ME, ROOMIE.
(Ladyhawke) ♪ ALL OF THE BOYS AND THE GIRLS HERE IN PARIS ♪
♪ SING TO THE NIGHT ♪
♪ WITHOUT SIGHT BUT WITH MADNESS ♪
♪ I CAN'T KEEP UP, I'M A WRECK, BUT I WANT IT ♪
♪ TELL ME THE TRUTH, IS IT LOVE OR JUST PARIS? ♪
♪ ALL OF THE BOYS AND THE GIRLS HERE IN PARIS ♪
♪ SING TO THE NIGHT WITHOUT SIGHT ♪
♪ BUT WITH MADNESS ♪ (computer chirps)
(Amanda gasps) 300 PEOPLE. COOL, RIGHT?
WOW. THAT IS A LOT OF PEOPLE.
(whispers) YES, IT IS.
AH.
I'M GLAD WE'RE GONNA HAVE THIS CHANCE
TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER, CONNOR.
I FIND IT HELPS IMPROVE A WORK RELATIONSHIP.
ME, TOO. GOOD, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'M CONFUSED.
I WAS, UM, I WAS LED TO BELIEVE THAT YOU AND DANIEL--
JUST HOW BAD IS THAT HEADACHE?
I'M SORRY?
OH, YOU'VE BEEN DOING THAT... A LOT.
WELL, IT'S BEEN QUITE A DAY.
I CAN GET RID OF THAT FOR YOU.
NO, THANK YOU. THAT'S WHAT DRUGS ARE FOR. COME ON.
LET ME. I'M BETTER FOR YOUR LIVER.
YOU KNOW WHY YOU GET THEM?
TOO MANY IDEAS IN YOUR HEAD
AND NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY TO GET THEM OUT.
EVEN IF YOU COULD,
WHO WOULD YOU TRUST THEM WITH?
THAT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE,
HAVING ONLY YOURSELF TO DEPEND ON.
I GET HEADACHES, TOO. THERE.
SO HOW IS IT?
IT'S GONE.
GOOD. SHALL WE CONTINUE OUR TALK?
NOW...
MY GUESS IS A WOMAN SUCH AS YOURSELF
WOULD HAVE A BOTTLE OF '61 SINGLE MALT SCOTCH
FLOATING AROUND THE PLACE SOMEWHERE.
UM, '48.
PERFECT. OLDER IS ALWAYS BETTER.
I WOULDN'T KNOW.
I'VE BEEN THE SAME AGE FOR YEARS.
YOU KNOW, WILHELMINA, YOU'RE THE REASON I'M HERE.
SOMETHING TELLS ME
I COULD LEARN A LOT FROM YOU.
(Marvin Gaye's "Let Get It On" playing)
♪ I BEEN REALLY TRYIN', BABY ♪
♪ TRYIN' TO HOLD BACK THIS FEELIN' FOR SO LONG ♪
♪ AND IF YOU FEEL ♪
♪ LIKE I FEEL, BABY ♪
♪ THEN COME ON ♪
♪ OH, COME ON ♪
♪ WHOO ♪
♪ LET'S GET IT ON ♪
♪ OH, BABY ♪
♪ LET'S GET IT ON ♪
ARE YOU OKAY? YOU SEEM DISTRACTED.
(chuckles)
UH, IT'S JUST BECAUSE I-I-I JUST REMEMBERED
THAT I HAVE A DINNER.
I'LL--I'LL CALL MARC AND HAVE HIM,
UH, UH, RESCHEDULE.
300 PEOPLE?
I-I THOUGHT I WAS MAKING FOOD FOR 50, M-MAYBE 60 AT THE MOST.
WELL, YOU CAN THANK AMANDA.
I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS GONNA GET THIS BIG,
BUT, PAPI, WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I PROMISED JESSE.
SWEETHEART, WHY ARE YOU GOING TO SO MUCH TROUBLE FOR A BOY? BECAUSE SHE LIKES HIM, PAPI.
I DO. I DO LIKE HIM, AND I SHOULDN'T EVEN BE SAYING THAT.
A GUY IS THE LAST THING I SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT.
WHY? YOU'RE YOUNG, YOU HAVE A GOOD JOB, YOUR OWN APARTMENT.
YEAH, AND YOU'RE WEARING HEELS SOMETIMES.
THANK GOD.
HE'S NICE TO YOU, MIJA?
SO NICE, BUT I CAN'T. I CAN'T DO THIS.
I HAVE TO CANCEL. I CAN'T AFFORD THIS PARTY.
YOU GUYS ARE THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL WRONG.
OKAY? IT DOESN'T HAVE TO COST THAT MUCH.
YOU KNOW, I WAS READING IN "VANITY FAIR" ONE TIME
THAT GOING BUDGET IS TOTALLY IN NOW,
LIKE, CHEAP IS THE NEW CHIC. WELL, CHEAP WE CAN WORK WITH.
MAYBE I CAN GET A DISCOUNT AT FLUSHING BURGERS,
CUT UP A BUNCH OF JUMBOS, DO A MOLE FOR DIPPING.
OH, AND WE CAN MAKE A TON OF SANGRIA.
CHEAP WINE, OLD FRUIT, A BOX OF SUGAR--PEOPLE GET DRUNK.
THEY DON'T CARE. DRINKING IS BAD.
OKAY, SO WE HAVE A THEME-- SOUTH OF THE BORDER. OH, AND THEN WE CAN USE
THE DECORATIONS FROM MY QUINCEAÑERA. OH, GOOD IDEA.
THAT'S SUCH A GREAT IDEA. TACKY MEXICAN STUFF IS SO KITSCHY.
WHAT? I'M ALLOWED TO SAY THAT. IT'S MY HERITAGE.
OH, AND, GUYS, THANK YOU.
YOU ALWAYS COME THROUGH FOR ME.
YOU'RE LIKE A TOTAL SNOW DAY.
THAT'S A GOOD THING.
OH. OH. OKAY.
SO HOW DID IT GO WITH CONNOR?
DID YOU BREAK HIM? DID HE CRY?
DO I NEED TO OFFER HIM A COMFORTING HUG?
CHECK MY CALENDAR, PLEASE.
WHAT, THAT'S IT? YOU'RE NOT GONNA TELL ME ANYTHING
AFTER ALL THE WORK I DID TO DIG UP THAT DIRT?
I DIDN'T USE IT. IT WASN'T THE TIME. SO WHEN WILL BE THE TIME?
SINCE WHEN ARE YOU SUCH A NOSEY PARKER?
YOUR JOB IS TO DO WHAT I SAY AND NOT ASK ANY QUESTIONS. (knock on door)
I HOPE I'M NOT INTERRUPTING.
OH, NO. (laughs)
CONNOR, MY, UH, MY DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN.
I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I'D BE OUT MOST OF THE DAY.
HEY, HOW WAS THAT DINNER LAST NIGHT?
IT WAS FUN... (laughs) JUST DELIGHTFUL.
THANK YOU FOR ASKING.
I'LL SEE YOU AT THE FASHION HEATS UP PARTY.
FUN? DELIGHTFUL?
YOU DIDN'T HAVE A DINNER LAST NIGHT.
YOU DON'T EVEN EAT DINNER.
(gasps) OH, MY GOD, YOU LIKE HIM.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
WILLIE, YOU SALUTED HIM.
YOU HAVEN'T SALUTED ANYONE SINCE CHENEY.
YOU HAVE FALLEN FOR HIM LIKE EVERYONE ELSE HERE.
I DON'T FALL FOR ANYONE, MARC.
I'M NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER WOMEN OUT THERE,
RULED BY THEIR EMOTIONS. WILLIE, IT'S OKAY TO FEEL SOMETHING.
NO, IT'S NOT, NOT WHEN IT GETS IN THE WAY OF AMBITION.
HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS FAR?
NOW I'VE HAD MY MOMENTARY LAPSE OF JUDGMENT,
BUT THAT IS OVER NOW.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NOW?
FINISH WHAT I STARTED.
THAT PARTY IS GONNA GET A LOT MORE INTERESTING.
MARC.
AH.
OH. I DIDN'T EVEN SEE YOU THERE.
WHAT'S GOING ON, MARC?
I MEAN, I-I ASKED YOU A REALLY IMPORTANT QUESTION
AND THEN YOU--YOU DON'T CALL ME BACK FOR THREE DAYS?
I'M SO SORRY. IT HAS JUST BEEN NONSTOP AROUND HERE.
WHAT, WITH THE BLACKMAILING, BACKSTABBING
AND GOING ON PINKBERRY RUNS, I'VE BARELY EVEN HAD TIME
TO TAKE THE CURLERS OUT OF MY HAIR.
(gasps) IS THERE STILL ONE BACK THERE?
WHY IS THE IDEA OF MOVING IN WITH ME SO HARD?
IT--IT'S--IT'S JUST BIG.
IT'S LIKE DECIDING TO GET A KID.
HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT TIME OR WHAT KIND TO GET?
I MEAN, DO YOU GO RUSSIAN, CHINESE
OR STAY LOCAL AND DO SOMETHING SOUTH AMERICAN?
AND THEN WHAT IF YOU'RE WRONG, AND IT CLASHES
WITH YOUR FURNITURE-- FORGET IT, MARC. YOU GAVE ME YOUR ANSWER.
SO I HAVE A CAR PICKING YOU UP AT YOUR PARTY AT 10:30
SO YOU CAN BE AT MY PARTY BY 11:00.
DO YOU THINK IT'S WEIRD THAT I'VE LEFT TWO MESSAGES
FOR CONNOR, AND HE HASN'T CALLED ME BACK? NO, HE'S PROBABLY
JUST IN A PLACE WHERE HE CAN'T ANSWER. I'M HIS BOSS.
HE SHOULD BE LETTING ME KNOW WHERE HE'S GONNA BE ALL DAY. IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
YEAH, EVERYTHING'S FINE. IT'S JUST SOMETHING MY MOM SAID.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET READY FOR YOUR PARTY.
I WILL, AND, OH, DANIEL,
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT DONATION.
WELL, IT IS THE "MODE" AFTER PARTY.
BESIDES, I HEARD THE SINGER OF THE BAND IS JUST TO DIE FOR.
(scoffs) WHY DO I TELL YOU ANYTHING?
(Daddy Yankee's "Pose" playing)
♪ HEY, YOU ♪
(rapping in Spanish)
I'M SORRY. YOU'RE NOT ON THIS LIST.
BUT PERHAPS A CRISP GEORGE WASHINGTON
COULD PERSUADE ME.
THAT MEANS A $20!
♪ COME ON ♪
(singing Spanish)
OKAY, HERE YOU GO. (laughs)
NOT SO FAST, GORGEOUS.
MAMA OWES THE GOVERNMENT.
♪♪♪
SEE, THE--THE--THE TRICK TO A GOOD MOLE IS CINNAMON.
HEY, MAN, CAN I WEAR YOUR HAT?
DON'T TOUCH THE HAT.
AAH! OH, MY GOD. WHAT A TURNOUT.
IT'S LIKE EVERYBODY'S SHOWING UP.
I THINK ONE OF THE UNDERSTUDIES FROM "SPAMALOT"
JUST USED MY BATHROOM. NO.
OH, AND HAVE YOU SEEN JESSE?
'CAUSE I THINK THE BAND WANTS TO START. OH, YEAH, I THINK I SAW HIM DOWNSTAIRS.
(gasps) BETTY, HE'S SO CUTE!
ALL SAD AND TORTURED-- I SEE WHY YOU LIKE HIM.
RIGHT? I KNOW.
(rapping in Spanish)
OH, FINALLY. CONNOR LEFT ME A MESSAGE.
WHY WASN'T HE AT THAT DREADFUL PARTY?
IF I HAD TO SIT AND LISTEN
TO SCARLETT JOHANSSON BABBLE ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE,
HE SHOULD HAVE. HE SAID HIS MEETING WENT LATE.
HE'S GONNA SEE ME AT THE AFTER PARTY.
DRAMA AT CASA DEL MEADE.
WORD ON THE BOULEVARD
IS THAT MEADE PUBLICATIONS IS SELLING OFF SOME MAGAZINES.
MY ANONYMOUS SOURCE REGINALD HAS CONFIRMED
THAT MEADE'S NEW C.F.O., CONNOR OWENS,
MET WITH CONDé NAST FOR SEVERAL HOURS THIS AFTERNOON.
HE'S WORKING WITH WILHELMINA?
I'M SORRY, DANIEL.
OH, HE'S GONNA BE, TOO. (scoffs)
HI. WELCOME. WELCOME. HAVE FUN.
JESSE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE? THE BAND'S READY TO START.
ARE YOU OKAY?
IT'S--TH-THAT'S TOO BIG. I-I CAN'T DO THAT.
OF COURSE YOU CAN. NO, I--WHAT IF I SUCK?
THERE'S NO WAY YOU COULD SUCK. YOU'RE JUST--
YOU'RE JUST HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF STAGE FRIGHT.
I-I'M A FAKE, BETTY. I-I JUST DON'T THINK I HAVE IT.
YES, YOU DO.
LOOK, MAYBE YOU CAN'T FEEL IT RIGHT NOW,
BUT IT'S IN THERE. I CAN SEE IT.
AND--AND THESE BAD THOUGHTS, THAT'S WHAT'S FAKE.
AS SOON AS YOU GET UP THERE AND START PLAYING,
EVERYONE ELSE IS GONNA SEE WHAT I DO.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY. (exhales deeply)
WHOO! OKAY.
GOD, BETTY, YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
♪ BUT I'LL TRY MY BEST ♪
♪ EITHER YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE OR YOU SIT WITNESS ♪
♪ WHILE A LOOK-ALIKE COMES AND STEALS YOUR BLISS ♪
♪ SO COME ON ♪
♪ GET ON WITH IT ♪
♪ WE'RE JUST WASTING TIME ♪
ISN'T HE AMAZING?
YEAH, BUT IVANKA TRUMP JUST PUT A BURGER IN HER PURSE,
SO I HAVE TO GO CALL RANDY. OKAY, LOVE YOU. BYE. OKAY.
♪ ...WITH IT ♪
♪ WE'RE JUST WASTING TIME ♪
♪ GET ON WITH IT ♪
HEY, SO I THINK I FIGURED OUT WHO BETTY'S CRUSH IS.
IT'S THAT OLD GUY OVER THERE.
THAT'S HER FATHER. OH.
MANDY, CLIFF WON'T CALL ME BACK.
HE'S MAD BECAUSE HE THINKS I DON'T WANT TO MOVE IN WITH HIM. BUT YOU DON'T.
WELL, WHY SHOULD I? EVERYTHING WAS FINE BEFORE.
WE HAD OUR LIVES AND OUR HAIR PRODUCTS SEPARATE.
EVERYONE LOOKED GOOD AND NOTHING CHANGED.
WHY DOES HE WANT TO RUIN THAT?
OH, MARC, ARE YOU REALLY MAD AT CLIFF,
OR ARE YOU STARTING TO HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT HIM?
(gasps) OH, MY GOD! THEY PUT OUT CAKE.
DO WHAT YOU WANT.
I'M SURE YOU'LL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION. BYE.
♪ ...ALWAYS COME TO A HEAD ♪
♪ OVER A GLASS OF WINE AND A CIGARETTE ♪
♪ YOU GOT A LITTLE DAGGER STUCK INSIDE MY CHEST ♪
♪ I'M 'BOUT AS READY NOW AS I'LL EVER GET ♪
(cheers and applause)
(woman) WHOO! (man) YEAH!
THANKS.
SO, UH, I WANTED TO TRY A LITTLE SOLO SOMETHING, UH,
AND, UH, DEDICATE THIS TO SOMEONE HERE WHO'S...
WE-WELL, SHE'S JUST REALLY SPECIAL.
(playing ballad)
♪ EVERY DAY JUST BLURS INTO ONE ♪
♪ THE MOON STARTS TO LOOK JUST LIKE THE SUN ♪
♪ FULL STEAM AHEAD, DAY TO NIGHT ♪
♪ NEVER FULLY CHARGED ♪
♪ NEVER QUITE RIGHT ♪
♪ BUT SHE WAS A SNOWY DAY ♪
♪ A BREAK FROM WORKING HARD ♪
♪ FOR SUCH LITTLE PAY ♪
♪ SHE WAS A SNOWY DAY ♪
♪ SHE LET ME GET SOME REST ♪
♪ SHE LET ME SLEEP REAL LATE ♪
♪ SO I COULD FIGHT ANOTHER DAY ♪
♪ SHE WAS A SNOWY DAY ♪
(The House Moguls Featuring MC Flipside's
"Get That Feeling" playing)
IS EVERYONE ENJOYING THEMSELVES?
WHO CARES? HE DEDICATED A SONG TO YOU! HE LIKES YOU!
I DON'T KNOW. BUT I MEAN, I THINK HE DOES.
EARLIER, HE TOLD ME I WAS BEAUTIFUL.
(gasps) WHAT MORE DO YOU NEED, GIRL?!
GO ASK HIM OUT!
I-I KNOW. I-I SHOULD, SHOULDN'T I?
YES!
OKAY, I WILL. I WILL.
UH, I SHOULD PROBABLY DO THAT NOW?
YES, YES. READY? (inhales) OKAY. (inhales)
(exhales deeply) HERE I GO.
GO! GO!
♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT ♪
HI, MS. SLATER. HOW ARE YOU? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
♪♪♪
YOU A FRIEND OF BETTY'S?
WHAT? OH, GOD, NO.
SHE'S A NICE GIRL.
I LIVE RIGHT BELOW HER-- 4G.
AM I TO UNDERSTAND I'M ON BETTY'S ROOF?
YEAH.
(sighs)
♪♪♪
♪ IF YOU GET THAT FEELING ♪
♪ BUT YOU CAN'T DESCRIBE IT ♪
♪ IT'S OKAY ♪
♪ I KNOW YOU LIKE IT ♪
♪ WHEN YOU GET THAT FEELING ♪
♪ BUT YOU CAN'T DESCRIBE IT ♪
♪ ALL YOU KNOW IS THAT YOU LIKE IT ♪
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. I THINK WE'RE DONE WITH THE CHARM, AREN'T WE?
LISTEN, I KNOW YOU'RE IN BED WITH DANIEL, SO LET ME BE BLUNT.
YOU START PLAYING FOR MY SIDE,
OR I WILL REVEAL SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU
YOU PROBABLY DON'T WANT OUT THERE. WILHELMINA, CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE AND TALK?
CONNOR, I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR MEETINGS AT CONDé NAST.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR DEAL?
I'M NOT GONNA HAVE YOU TWO CONSPIRING BEHIND MY BACK.
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR CONTRACT SAYS.
I WANT YOU OUT OF HERE. DANIEL, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT'S GONNA COST
TO FIRE A MAN LIKE THIS? OH, HE WON'T NEED TO. I'LL WALK RIGHT NOW.
GOD, YOU TWO ARE CHILDREN.
I PLAYED YOUR GAME TO GET THE JOB,
BUT THAT IS WHERE IT ENDS. I TOOK THE MEETING
BECAUSE YOU ASKED ME TO EXERCISE MY JUDGMENT,
WHICH IS THIS--THAT SELLING OFF A COUPLE OF MAGAZINES
MAKES FINANCIAL SENSE,
FAR MORE SENSE THAN PRESERVING YOUR FATHER'S LEGACY
AT ANY COST.
AND YOU--WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT ON ME,
LET IT OUT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL EVEN HELP YOU.
DRUGS? I'VE DONE PRETTY MUCH EVERYTHING.
I'VE SLEPT WITH MY BEST FRIEND'S WIFE.
OH, HERE'S A GREAT ONE. MY FIRST JOB AT SMITH BARNEY?
I OVERHEAR TWO GUYS IN AN ELEVATOR TRADING STOCK TIPS.
I END UP LOSING MY SHIRT AND I ALMOST GO TO JAIL.
BUT I TURN MY LIFE AROUND.
I MAKE MYSELF INTO SOMEBODY THAT I CAN BE PROUD OF.
SO IF YOU WANT ME TO DO THE JOB THAT YOU HIRED ME FOR, FINE.
BUT IF YOU WANT ME TO PICK SIDES, FORGET IT.
I'M NOBODY'S BITCH.
I NEED A DRINK.
♪♪♪
JESSE?
ARE YOU IN THERE?
(laughter)
OH! SORRY.
JEEZ, BETTY, EVER HEAR OF KNOCKING?
BETTY, W-WAIT. BETTY, WAIT!
BETTY, IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN SOONER OR LATER.
NEXT TIME, I'LL JUST LEAVE A BRA ON THE DOORKNOB.
(voice breaking) YOU ARE THE WORST ROOMMATE EVER.
YOU ARE SELFISH AND INSENSITIVE, AND I WANT YOU OUT.
JUST BE GONE BY TOMORROW MORNING.
(Shine) ♪ AND DANCE TO ME ♪
♪ AGAIN ♪
♪ LIKE YOU WERE STONE ♪
CONNOR, I WANNA APOLOGIZE FOR MY BEHAVIOR.
I ALWAYS BLACKMAIL PEOPLE WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
IT'S JUST KIND OF MY GO-TO.
♪♪♪
♪ THEN DANCE TO ME ♪
THERE AREN'T A LOT OF NICE PEOPLE
IN THIS BUSINESS.
I... DIDN'T EXPECT
TO MEET SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY HAS INTEGRITY.
THANK YOU.
♪♪♪
WE NEED YOU.
SO IF YOU DECIDE TO STAY,
LET'S START WITH A CLEAN SLATE.
I'D LIKE THAT,
AS LONG AS I DON'T
HAVE TO "KNUCKLE BUMP" WITH DANIEL ANYMORE.
(chuckles)
♪♪♪
WE STILL HAVE TO TRY THAT SCOTCH.
IT'S A DATE.
(cell phone rings)
(ring)
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? IT'S MY FIANCéE.
(ring)
♪♪♪
SO CAN I CALL YOU?
YEAH. YEAH, I'M IN THE BOOK.
HUNTER FARTHINGTON.
(mouths word)
HMM.
(indistinct conversations)
MARC?
CLIFF! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I-I GOT YOUR 20 MESSAGES.
OH.
SWEETIE, I'M--I'M SORRY. I-I-I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT--
THAT ASKING YOU TO MOVE IN WOULD--WOULD CAUSE A MELTDOWN.
HEY, YOU... (chuckles) YOU'RE A NEUROTIC MESS,
AND I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU.
(clears throat)
LOOK, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER.
(indistinct conversations)
(sighs)
MARRY ME.
WHAT?
MARRY ME, CLIFF.
I WANNA BE WITH YOU FOREVER.
(indistinct conversations)
(sighs deeply) OH, I BLEW IT UP THERE WITH CONNOR.
I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT A FOOL I MADE OUT OF MYSELF.
WELL, I'M PRETTY SURE I'M A BIGGER FOOL.
I THREW HIM A PARTY. (chuckles)
ARE YOU CRYING?
I WAS SO STUPID TO THINK THAT HE WOULD LIKE ME.
OF COURSE HE LIKES AMANDA.
AMANDA?
THEY WERE KISSING. I WALKED IN ON THEM.
I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THAT WHEN HE SAID I WAS BEAUTIFUL,
HE MEANT ON THE INSIDE.
YOU ARE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY THAT, DANIEL.
I'M FINE WITH WHO I AM,
BUT I'M NOT BEAUTIFUL.
BETTY... MEN ARE STUPID.
THEY GO FOR THE OBVIOUS.
TRUST ME. I KNOW.
I'M STILL DOING IT, AND I SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
BUT YOU'RE 24.
IT'S OKAY TO HAVE A CRUSH,
ACT A LITTLE STUPID.
BUT YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS--
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
HEY.
SO...
I MADE, LIKE, A TON OF MONEY TONIGHT.
AND... I'M A SIMPLE GIRL.
WHAT DO I NEED IT FOR?
HERE. YOU SHOULD PUT IT TOWARD RENT.
(dishes rattle)
HEY, SO REMEMBER THAT GUY THAT I WAS KISSING EARLIER?
YEAH, I DON'T THINK YOU KNOW HIM.
ANYWAY, I AM SO OVER HIM.
I WAS TALKING TO HIM, AND IT TURNS OUT HE'S KIND OF STUPID.
I MEAN, YES, HE IS THE KIND OF GUY
A GIRL WOULD TOTALLY FALL FOR, BUT...
HE IS SO NOT WORTH IT.
BETTY, I HAD NO IDEA.
AMANDA, LOOK.
I WAS WRONG.
YOU AREN'T THE WORST ROOMMATE EVER.
AND IF YOU NEED TO STAY HERE
FOR... A LITTLE WHILE LONGER,
I'M FINE WITH THAT.
YOU KNOW, BETTY, YOU'RE LUCKY.
WHEN SOMEONE FALLS IN LOVE WITH YOU,
IT'S REAL.
I'VE NEVER HAD THAT.
I NEVER KNOW IF I'M LOVED FOR WHO I AM
OR BECAUSE I'M SO PRETTY.
(sighs)
(Sebastien Tellier's "Look" playing)
WHY DON'T YOU FINISH CLEANING UP IN HERE?
♪♪♪
BETTY.
HAVE A SEAT.
♪ DETAILS OF YOUR LOOK ♪
♪ LIKE YOUR TIGHTS ♪
♪ KILLING ME BY SHOOT ♪
♪ JUST IN ONCE ♪
♪ OH, SEE, JUST TAKE A LOOK ♪
♪ WITH YOUR CRIES ♪
♪ SINCE THE DAYS OF SCHOOL ♪
♪ YOU AND I ♪
♪ YOU'RE ON MY MIND ♪
(sighs)
♪ JUST LET ME PLAY ♪
♪ OH ♪